Captivated Me

captivate : v. to attract and hold the attention or interest of, as by beauty or excellence; enchant.

Tag: waiting

May 9, 2019

Of wildflowers and grace.

I was visiting with my mom recently about freedom. We were marveling at how God can take seasons of living in captivity to hurt, confusion, and insecurity and move us from that place to a place of solid ground, soul-deep freedom, and relentless joy. We talked about how long, stormy and painful seasons – if well-weathered – eventually give way to bright, flowered pastures where we can dance and be light and liberated. I expressed that by the sweet grace of God, despite ongoing heartache and grief, I find myself in this place lately, this blooming field, and I feel my heart dancing freely through it. I shared how humbled and grateful I am that God has brought me here. And then my mom said:⁣
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“You know, He is using those tears you cried to water the field.”⁣
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You guys, this blew my mind.⁣
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How often do we try to wish away the painful seasons of life when we’re in the middle of them? We get tired of crying and exhausted by caring. The days seem to get longer, the hurt only gets deeper, and we feel like the misery will never end.⁣
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Let’s trust God and remember, it will end, and new things will spring from it (see Isaiah 43:19 – what a sweet promise!). The storm may last longer than we think it should, but we can trust that God is good and He knows what He is doing. While we wait on Him, let’s wrestle wisely and well, and let’s give our stories and the pen used to write them over to the ultimate Author. Let’s cry our hearts out if we need to, seek the Lord intently, humble ourselves deeply, and forgive daily. Our tears and prayers, our choice to surrender to truth and refining fire, our pain and questioning and grappling – none of it will go to waste. It will be the substance God uses to water and bring color to a field of wildflowers for us to dance, twirl, and run barefoot through.⁣ We will eventually look back and be thankful for those seasons of tears. They are desperately painful, to be sure. But they set the stage for wild beauty and abundant life to bloom.
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“After a day of cloud and wind and rain / Sometimes the setting sun breaks out again / And touching all the darksome woods with light / Smiles on the fields until they laugh and sing.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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April 7, 2019

We must confront it.

Real talk. I was walking down a set of stairs at work last night looking at my phone, missed a step, toppled down, and landed terribly wrong on this poor foot. Funny in retrospect! But painful enough that I passed out at the time. Blessedly, no surgery is required. But even bearing weight on this thing right now brings tears.⁣⁣⁣
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What is amazing is how God sent angels in disguise to get me to the help I needed after the injury. Two lovely women who found a wheelchair nearby. Two orthopedic residents at the bottom of the staircase who were at the ready if it turned out there was an overt fracture. An ER team who could not have been any more kind. A radiology tech with the sweetest presence. My mom (who had randomly put a pair of crutches in her car that morning) and dear friend Mimi who were only minutes away in Minneapolis when I let them know about the injury and who got me settled in at home at the end of the night.⁣⁣⁣ Blessings, each one.
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How often do we get distracted in the midst of life’s craziness, only to misstep and find ourselves in a position that we didn’t anticipate? How often do abrupt hurts come into our life, causing a pain that makes us want a period of amnesia to forget the inciting event(s)? I’d argue, these things happen more frequently than we’d like to admit. But we are so good at pushing through and covering our messes and hurts with work, busy-ness, and frivolous things. ⁣⁣⁣
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How often does God show up in those moments? I’d argue, always. He sets the right people and parts in motion to take care of us. He sends the support we need by moving the hearts of those who love us into action. He makes the equipment we need available. He helps us recover from the amnesia and numbness that we use to cope, and challenges us to confront the pain so we can begin healing. He uses injuries to slow our pace and refocus our hearts on simple truth.⁣⁣
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Everything is taking three times longer than usual today. Home has become an obstacle course that I need to crutch and crawl through, even going down the stairs like a toddler who bumps down one by one on her behind. It feels so silly, so dependent, and still painful. But I also feel stronger by going through it, by finding healthy and safe ways to cope with the pain.

It is hard and unhealthy to ignore our hurt; we must confront it. It may take more devoted time spent with the Lord; it can be exhausting; and it can be very uncomfortable. But it will all be for our benefit in the end.

Let’s give our hurts, big and small, over to God. And let’s watch in awe as He sets everything in motion, heals deep hurts, and works things out for our good.

Also, life lesson, stay off your phone when walking down stairs!

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