rest | Captivated Me

April 19, 2022

April in the Marianas.

Four weeks into this season of living and working in Saipan, and I still cannot believe I am here. The sun rises every morning over the hills in my backyard, and sets every night over the lagoon one block from this third floor walk-up. The bright, fresh, emerald foliage blanketing the mountains somehow looks even more viridescent after a rainfall. And as for the fierce shades of blue in the ocean – I cannot find words to describe the spectrum. The pediatric group and staff I get to work with here are kind, creative, caring, diverse, and gracious, as are the people I get to meet day to day in the community. I’m thankful for these colors, this rhythm, this diversity, this incredibly unique experience. I am learning and inspired in just about every moment, every encounter.

April has been a beautiful month here. The adage about April showers rings true, as there have been some impressive downpours, but the stormy sky is a stunning spectacle unto itself, and the sunshine is never far behind. Some highlights from the month – so far, and to come – include:

Saipan’s half-marathon, 10K, and 5K took place two weekends ago and were a smashing success. There is normally a full-marathon as well, but this is not yet back up to speed since COVID.
A lively local farmer’s market takes place seaside every Saturday morning, with local artisan displays and fresh plants and produce harvested by the island’s farmers, all with the backdrop of popular cover music set to a tropical beat.
Holy Week included a Good Friday community pilgrimage on foot to the top of Mount Tapochau, with certain members of the community dragging a large, rugged, wooden cross which was erected at the peak of the mountain. Many early sunrise services, brunches, Easter egg hunts, and other celebrations took place at the various parishes and churches on the island on Resurrection Sunday.
The Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands is gearing up for its special Flame Tree Art Festival which will take place later this month. This is a weekend-long gala celebrating local crafts, dance, food, music, and other forms of art. And it is apparently lit.
Hotel pool parties, shoreline sports activities and grill-outs, and beachside birthday parties are the norm on any given weekend – People in Saipan love to embrace any chance for celebration, time together as a community, and time in the gorgeous outdoors.

As for me, this month has brought the ability to engage to some degree or another in all of the above. There is a remarkable balance between work, rest, community, and adventure here, unlike any I have ever experienced before. Balance is hard to come by in any profession, in life in general, and I know it is something my soul has craved for years – since the early days of my medical training. My heart is overwhelmed with so much gratitude for this chance to live in such an equilibrium, and hopefully find ways to implement it in whatever seasons of life lie ahead.

Some fun happenings from the last week or two:

Flower Crown Making: I went with a small group for a flower crown lesson the Saturday before Easter. We used Santa Anas, plumeria (the state flower of CNMI), Hawaiian ginger, palm seeds, ferns, birds of paradise, bougainvillea, and stars of India (native to Thailand) in our crowns, and enjoyed the challenge of a new craft! We also enjoyed learning about a form of culinary seasoning called ‘hing mui’, a sour plum powder that tastes amazing sprinkled on just about any kind of fruit.

Banzai Cliff to Cowtown: This relatively flat hike was a hot one through dense jungle, with various ruins and rusting military vehicles along the way. I also managed to walk face-first into a spiderweb the size of a watermelon and nearly got pooped on by a seabird while I navigated through the brush. But in the end, it was all more than worth it! The views were inimitable, and the waves were so powerful they made the earth underneath my feet tremble as they crashed against the shore.

Ladder Beach: This rugged, secluded space was perfect for a post-call morning of ukulele practice, wave-watching, and cave exploration. It is a local favorite, boasting beautiful views of Saipan’s neighbor, Tinian, in the distance, and multiple cavernous nooks and crannies to weave into and out of. Each beach on the island is different from the next, but the peace and serenity they share are universal.

Mariana Lighthouse: This lighthouse is one of the few pre-war structures that has been successfully preserved with time. Initially constructed during a season of Japanese rule in Saipan, it served as a beacon for ships at harbor that needed to transport cargo along the rocky, reef-laden shores and channels. World War II left the building in disrepair, but it has since been repurposed into a bustling cafe, restaurant, and live music space, offering remarkable views of downtown Garapan, the western lagoon, and the horizon beyond.

Sunsets: Sunsets are a community festivity here in Saipan. Every day between 5:30 and 6:00 PM, countless local families, neighbors, and friend groups flock to the sea for the show. It has been such a treat to enjoy some of these in quiet reflection – journaling, snorkeling, or listening to an audiobook – and some with fun and interesting friends – including two birthday parties this week and one gathering to celebrate finishing my first week on service.

I remain so so so humbled by the support and encouragement coming from afar. For friends and family who do not know, Saipan is fifteen hours ahead of Central time (I come to you from the future 🙂 ), and I now have a local Saipan phone number so can only feasibly keep in touch via WhatsApp (with my US number) and other web-based messaging for text, talk and video. I would love to connect with you; please reach out if you would like, and I am so sorry if I have not returned your texts or calls to my US number!

Thank you for reading. 🤍 Have a wonderful week!

April 7, 2022

Getting to know Saipan.

This Week in Brief: The gracious and supportive pediatrics department at Commonwealth Health Center helped me get up and running in clinic these past several days and get ready for my first week on the hospital service, which is upcoming. Outside of work, my time was largely spent hiking and further exploring the natural wonder of the island. From cliffs to beaches, from caves to jungle, from slot canyons to estuaries, from mountain peaks to tide pools, Saipan holds an immense diversity of wilderness for its relatively small size (approximately 12 miles or 19 kilometers long by 5.5 miles or 9 kilometers wide). So many of the sights and sites here speak not just to the radiance but to the history and bravery of this island which, over the years, has seen everything from flooding and flattening due to typhoons and tropical storms to destruction and devastation from war and expansionism. And still, it stands strong and tall and simply beautiful. May we all learn a thing or two or twenty from the island and its people – steadfast, resilient, and defiantly joyful – no matter what trials life brings.

Come saunter through Saipan with me:

A boulder and rope course through the eastern jungle leads upward to expansive views of the rugged coast of Saipan and downward to a clear, refreshing tide pool – an area known as **Dragon Tail and the Infinity Pool**. While the west side of the island harbors a peaceful lagoon lined by an offshore coral reef, this east side showcases the mighty, powerful Pacific in all its fury and glory.

Sunday afternoon meant a sweet hike with new friends to the **Old Man by the Sea**. It is customary to greet the Old Man with a kiss when you are newly visiting the island.

**Fiesta Mall** was a chic, popular community gathering and shopping space in the 1990s. Now, it is in eerie disrepair – overgrown with mud and lime and vines – an abandoned hiking milieu with roaming, dilapidated halls; extensive wall paintings; and wide views of Saipan’s dense jungle and Pacific coastline.

**Mount Tapochau**, the highest elevation on Saipan at 474 meters, is accessible by dirt road or by foot. (I opted for the latter, and *wow* was it a glute workout! But I digress.) It was of strategic significance in World War II, giving whichever military occupied it a vantage point of the hills, troop movements, and airfield below. The entire island and its neighbor, Tinian, are visible from these heights, and placards are in place along the trail that tell the story of the infamous Battle of Saipan in 1944. The peak is of religious consequence as well, home to a beloved sculpture of Jesus installed in the 1970s and a simple wooden cross where people come to pray.

**Santa Lourdes Shrine** is composed of a short path leading to a beautiful grotto and altar that resemble the prayer grotto in Lourdes, France. This is a place of worship, contemplation, and peace.

**Jeffrey’s Beach** is a unique, fragile ecosystem with a calm estuary giving way to the raging sea. Small tide pools, star fish, and tiny invertebrates can be found here, as can old, rusted machinery from the war.

A jungle hike up to the foot of Suicide Cliff, and a stony climb along its northwestern face, leads to a narrow slot canyon and wind tunnel – called The Crack – that cuts straight through the cliff to the other side (with some shimmying along the way). Suicide Cliff is the tragic site where hundreds of Japanese troops and local civilians jumped to their deaths fearing that they would be held hostage and mistreated once the US achieved their victory during the infamous Battle of Saipan. There are thoughtful memorials along this and Bonzai Cliff commemorating the lives lost in these battles – regardless of nationality – and warning of the futility of war. I will share those photos after personally reflecting further on this history and on its reminiscence to the warfare in Ukraine.

**El Toro** is a Pacific overlook composed of jagged, sharp stone that gives way to a massive system of caves. It receives its name from one particular cave at sea level, from which the blowhole exiting upward creates the sound of a raging bull whenever the waves rush in.

Thank you **so greatly** for following along! Have a wonderful weekend, and keep adding light to the world!

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September 2, 2021

Magnificent.

The clouds between,
The sea beyond
Those rocky towers
Rising strong
In calm defiance.

The powdered crests,
Their walls descend
Where ground and glacier
Sweetly end
At water’s margin.

The braided creeks,
Who weave so brave
Toward rugged coast and
Reminisce
On iced ancestry.

These gilded gifts,
Magnificent,
Grandest wonders born
From heart of
A loving Deity.

October 3, 2020

A Weekend in BWCAW: Release.

Reflecting on the sweetest weekend with dear friends,

On canoeing and paddling and portaging, ⁣⁣⁣

Cooking over the campfire, ⁣⁣⁣

Laughing, reading, hammock-napping,

⁣⁣⁣Being bombarded with sneaky pupper kisses,

⁣⁣⁣Being 100% content with soaked socks, smelly boots, and unwashed hair,⁣⁣⁣

Embracing sun, wind, rain, whatever came,⁣⁣⁣

And taking each day one paddle stroke at a time. ⁣⁣⁣⁣

This year has been a sweet lesson in release. ⁣⁣⁣

Understanding in new ways that we can’t control the current,

⁣⁣⁣But we can find a happy rhythm within it;⁣⁣⁣

We can’t direct the wind,⁣⁣⁣

But we can adjust our sails.⁣⁣⁣

Learning that sometimes the most loving thing we can do

⁣⁣⁣Is let go.

Learning that confronting, healing, and finally laying to rest our heartscars

⁣⁣⁣Is the hard but necessary, freeing and worthwhile work that life demands if we want to grow and thrive.

⁣⁣⁣Learning that our communities might burn to the ground, ⁣⁣⁣

Our loved ones might fall ill,

⁣⁣⁣Our lives might take a turn we never expected.⁣⁣⁣

And that when faced with these circumstances

⁣⁣⁣It is only in the brave releasing of our fears, wounds, and preconceived notions⁣⁣⁣

That we are enabled to fully show up, hold space, be present, and engage patiently and lovingly in the beauty and brokenness within and around us. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣

And I’m finding again and again

That on the other side of release ⁣⁣⁣

Lies the deeply joyful, exuberant, whole, authentic life our hearts crave.

⁣⁣⁣A life that flows more freely, breathes more easily, laughs more readily, sees more clearly⁣⁣⁣.

Where the best is yet to come.

Where fear fades as faith builds and swells and rises.⁣⁣⁣

Where we accept and sit with what is,⁣⁣⁣

And still dream of and hope for and create and discover what is to come.⁣⁣⁣

Where every day we feel

Open-hearted.⁣⁣⁣

Playful.

Alive.⁣⁣⁣